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Healthy Relationships

Relationship themes often permeate our lives. Although maintaining healthy relationships can be challenging, it is not impossible.Think of your behavior, emotions, and thoughts regarding a current or past relationship and use the following check-list to indicate if you tend to be more healthy or unhealthy in relationships.

UNHEALTHY (addictive love)
-Feels all consuming
-Cannot define boundaries
-Allow little individual growth
-Play psychological games
-Attempt to change other
-Look to other for self-worth
-Fear abandonment
-Need other to feel complete
-Play power-games

HEALTHY (mature love)
-Allows for individuality
-Experience both oneness and separateness
-Invite growth in other
-Ask honestly for what want
-Does not attempt to change or control other
-Has high self-esteem
-Enjoy time apart
-Encourage self-sufficiency
-Affirm equality of other

Here are some characteristics of healthy relationships that you can strive toward:

1. Each person has a separate identity.

2. Each person desires the other and can survive without the other.

3. Each is able to talk openly with the other about matters important to the relationship such as needs, wants, etc.

4. Each assumes responsibility for his/her happiness and refrains from blaming the other if unhappy.

5. Both are willing to work to keep relationship healthy.

6. Both are equal in the relationship (equal power, give & receive, etc.).

7. Each finds meaning and sources of personal nourishment outside of the relationship in addition to within the relationship.

8. Each is moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful.

9. Each encourages the other to be what they are capable of becoming.

10. Each is committed to the other and to the relationship.

If you are experiencing difficulty in a relationship(s), would like to improve a relationship(s), or would like to evaluate your role in your relationships call the University Counseling Center @ 448-4080.

We provide individual and couple counseling that is confidential and FREE of charge to students, faculty, and staff.

**If you are or think you might be in a relationship that is physically, verbally, sexually, emotionally (or in any other way manner) abusive, please seek assistance immediately by calling or visiting the UCC (448-4080; 224 Elkins Hall), University Health Services (493-2600 Betsy Cheramie Ayo Hall), Student LIfe (448-4525; Student Union), or University Police (448-4746; emergency 448-4911; U.P. Building).

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